Creating a coming back habit.

I was fascinated by habits, from early in my life. When there was no internet, I still was learning about them from the books the hard way. I wondered how doing something productive becomes effortless and easy. But paradoxically doing anything productive is hard and tiresome. Specially when initial motivation of novelty is no longer there, the mind will wonder into the next new thing instead of continuely trying to do the same boring task.

Piano players

Consider playing an instrument. A Piano perhaps. Once you start it may feel amazing at first few days like you are really progressing, but after few weeks the novelty dissapears and it will become daunting to sit infront of the piano. I wonder how many pianos built ever getting played, until they really meet someone with a great enthusiasm. They do not deserve to be rusted in corners of empty rooms and be homes to ants looking for shelter. The problem is piano playing had not made a good habit in the life of its owner. So, how can I make it a one?

Think about your life and try to make a list of habits you wished you have. I will give several of mine. I think many of them have the potential to make my life rich in experience. Not the boring version I am currently living, out of habit.

Painting routine

A list of habits

I wish I had a good reading habit. I am still stuck at the page 335 of Moby dick. First chapter of it was amazing. And after a while it has become a painful endevour. An unfinished task that I shoud build up all my courage to complete. If I read five pages per day I shoud have finised it by now.

I wish I walked a litte bit more. Nowdays we travel mostly in vehicles. It is fast, it is easy, it is safe. But walking takes effort. I cannot use my phone while walking. Instead I am forced to be immersed in thought and the enviournment I am walking. I could spare some moments with nature if I walked.

I wish I had a better morning routine as lately I have seen the life is too noisy. As a millenial I miss the silence that I had before all the technological era. I know it was by default, by design, we spent most of the daytime on top of trees. I thought it was a waste of time, but now I realise those were wonderful times, reflective times, memorable times. I cannot say exactly about the time I have watched youtube or movies. Morinings bring silence, before every machine powers up. I need to be immersed in this rare silence everyday.

How about an exercise habit? Writing habit? Money habit? Friendship habit? I am sure you have plenty of ambitions, which can be shaped into a habit. But here is a secret that you may have not realised in the past studying habit.

Traditional view of a habit.

Yes, I know, there are a million articles on habits, thousand podcasts about habits, and ten thousand and more books on habits. Literally everything about habits you should have known by now, as it is almost forced at us at various stages of life. Remember, the cue, routine reward cycle? Should I give myself a lollipop after an evening walk? Will that make it a habit and make me feel better mentally and physically so I will do another walk tomorrow?

I have tried the traditional habit creation methods, which did not work at all. I still struggle to find the flow in life, instead of wasting time on mundane tasks, I can follow more creative persuits.

Thinking about habits, I picture them like streaks of repititive things I do, without ever breaking the sequence. But, latelty I found some missing components that I had to add to make a habit work. Think about the following.

Creating a coming back habit

"A habit, is all about creating a coming back habit, when you break the streak. Not at all about trying to make a perfect streak of."

Imagine you crafted a habit, with a perfect cue, perfect routine and a reward of your liking. And you follow this for five days in a row. On the sixth something happens and you are unable to play the piano. And on the seventh, you would feel like a failure. Yet again, as your mind is spiralling down on a path, how terrible you are not being able to maintain the streak of your habbit. And you feel the resistance to do that. But here is the secret. The habit is not "Playing the piano everyday". The habit you should try to establish is "Coming back to playing the piano, yet again". The former habit you are trying to establish is an impossible task. It will never work as there would be plenty of disturbances along the way. But if you keep coming back to your piano everytime you knew you lost a nice streak, that will make a not so perfect streak but a good enough one, that initial resistance will go away and it will be established as a habit. The coming back habit will give you infinite opportunity to come back without ever feeling guilty.

I am new to this version of habit formation. I am going to put it to test by incorporating it into my writing and reading. Hope this ends my search of looking for a perfect habit forming technique.