Beware of your defaults.
Defaults.
What you do automatically are basically your default. What do you do when you wake up early in the morning? Just curse yourself for getting late? Then that is your default. How about the first app you start when you get your hands on your phone? YouTube? then that is your default. How about the first thing you say when you meet your loved ones in your kitchen in the morning? That is your default too. Defaults are powerful when properly planned and placed, but they can be devastating, like corrosion on a knife, when unplanned and more disastrously let others decide your own defaults.
Are they habits?
Of course you can call them habits. But I would consider them at the end of a spectrum. The difference between them is subtle. One is heavily dependent on willpower and repetition, while defaults are by design, and control of the environment, fixed, not needed repetition.
Habits <----> defaults.
By definition defaults are things which happen when you do not deliberately choose. But repeated enough they can end up habits. And habits on the other hand if repeated enough would need less and less of willpower and can become default. If you already know what you're going to have on Monday night dinner, that is a default. But if you try to eat healthy food but do not yet know what it is, you can make it a habit. Defaults create less pressure when you are paralyzed by choice. Remember analysis paralysis? Defaults is the solution.
Defaults do not need repetition. Not even thought. It is set by design in the system, already chosen for you.
How I used defaults.
When I was living alone briefly for a period of time, I developed my own defaults. I would go to a same shop on fixed dates and have same meals. It creates less friction and gives room for more important creative space for the mind, away from the clutter. How boring it is to go to a supermarket and compare the prices, of items from an aisle to aisle, getting paralyzed every day. Defaults and rituals will easily prevent the cognitive exhaustion.
Defaults can not only be used for meal plans, but they can also be used anywhere anytime when there are things you routinely do. At the end of this article, I will give you a list of defaults you can use in common situations you face in everyday life. At least few of them will make sense to you.
Beware of your default responses to emotions.
More powerful is default responses of us to our emotions. What do you do when you are feeling, anger? Sadness? Loneliness? Success? As these are recurring themes of any life what we do triggered by these emotions matter a lot, when it comes to feeling good in life. As such, two people can differ markedly in their defaults when responding to anger. One can escalate their own anger, with filthy words, while other can just take a walk and reflect on him/herself making it an opportunity for improvement. But the basic feeling of anger remains same in these two individuals. The importance is you can plan your default behavior while you are calm sitting in your chair thinking.
So, let's look through a list of items you can make defaults.
Situation | Common default | Alternative conscious choice |
🌅 Waking up | Reach for the phone | Phone on table when going to sleep Sit quietly for 2 minutes |
☕ Morning | Make the same drink | Drink water first |
📱 Notification | Check immediately | silent notifications for 6 hours per day. |
🍽️ Hunger | Eat whatever is easiest | Eat an apple/ fruit per day |
🚗 Driving | Take the usual route | Take a bus, same time |
💬 Someone criticizes you | Defend yourself | Sing your favorite song |
😡 Anger | React immediately | Sing your second favorite song |
😴 Tiredness | Scroll social media | Wash your face, and read a book |
💰 Receiving money | Spend it normally | automate investment |
🛒 Shopping | Buy what catches your attention | Make a default grocery list. |
🧹 Messy room | Ignore it | Keep one thing square. One trash away. |
💻 Starting work | Check email/social media | Start the most important task |
🧠 Difficult problem | Avoid it | Spend 5 minutes attempting it |
📺 Free time | Open YouTube/Netflix | Write down your thoughts |
🗣️ Conversation | Talk about yourself | Ask the other person a question |
🚶 Walking | Look at your phone | Look at the sky and make a mental comment |
🌙 Before sleep | Keep scrolling | Put the phone away 2 hours before. |
❓ Uncertainty | Assume an answer | put it in a commonplace book |
⚠️ Making a mistake | Hide/explain it | Buy yourself a treat. |
🏆 Success | Move immediately to the next goal | Pause and appreciate it |
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