Not so Happy family, is good enough

If you are planning to make a family, married, unmarried, divorced single parent, or even adopt. I have both good news and bad news. The good news is you can make a family, when you choose just to do that. That's the easy part. And the bad news I already broke to you. And this family is not going to be a happy family.

Why you shouldn't try

Trying to make a happy family is the worst thing you can try to do. It is like trying to walk in the meadows in a spring morning without getting feet wet. Or trying to swim in sea without getting salty eyes. Or trying to learn how to cycle without ever falling down. Such miracles do not happen in real life, and it is absolutely ok, not to make anything perfect.

Let's do a mental experiment on this. I like to use an analogy with children. If you give a packet of clay to each child in kindergarten and also show them a model family of Matyroshka dolls. And asked them to replicate, I am sure they will try. Yet some will struggle to sit in a one place for half an hour. Some will make half families without heads. Some will make ugly families without arms. Some will make almost perfect families without cloths. And some will make a group of monkeys instead. Do you really think our modern education had tamed and framed the differences in our souls, into a group of synchronized military men? I am sure it's trying to do so. Yet I can see it fails miserably at the end. Fundamentally we are different.

Not so happy family

Not so happy family is good enough.

So, my intuition is it doesn't matter how well the kid in the next door is doing with his doll family. What matters is what you're doing. And if it is OK to make not so perfect families in the kindergarten, it definitely is OK to make not so perfect families in real life, when you are an adult. You can thank me later when you understand that you're not at all responsible for every defect in your not so perfect family. If they can just drag on like a family within the framework of societal expectations that would just do. And there you will find the things which are perfect at the moment, which might even momentarily release some endorphins and smiles when you know there are some perfect things there. Who cares about the bad brick when all the others are in perfect alignment. You can laugh when you see imperfections in your brick wall, as these are welcomed in your mind. That can even be the happy starting point of a greater bond. As understanding is some emotion we seek for comfort from our relationships. Acceptance and understanding are rare and difficult when we are in separate rooms, with a boundary called our own bodies. You can touch you can hear, you can see and even smell some other person. But you can never be them and know exactly why they are not perfect according to your expectations.

So, let's take a moment to list down all the imperfections in your family and accept it is still a nice one, with all its awkwardness.