I was screening through the shelves of the Library the Other day and came across a book named Roses. A botanica's Pocket -Roses it said. However, it clearly would not fit into anyone's pocket. If it was a novel, it would be the size of two volumes of the Count of Monte Cristo. Over 1000 pages of more than 2000 listed roses. I borrowed the book. Obviously not to read cover to cover, but to fascinate myself with the "Queen of the flowers" in afternoons for a fortnight. So, here are few facts about roses and what amazes me about "Roses" Roses The Rose Map. This is not a specific map of roses, but Hardiness zone maps are the ones which divide the world into "Zones" according to minimum annual average temperatures observed. Roses being sensitive plants, have their own habitats and will be grown in different climates, hence zone maps are used as a guide to show where you will approximately see different kinds of roses and best places to garden them. What fascinated me more was the sheer number of roses. I cannot include them all here, but can list out some of the roses started with letter "H" for you to get an idea. Roses that start with Letter H. Hakuun (White Cloud) Hamburg Hamburger Phoenix Hampshire Handel Hansa Hansa-Park Happy (Alberich) Happy Child Happy Wanderer Harison's yellow Harlekin (Kiss of desire) Harmonie Harry Wheatcroft Harvest Fayre Hawkeye belle headliner Heart of gold Hebe's Lip (Reine Blanche) Heidekonigin (Palissade Rose) Heidelberg Heideroslein Heideschenee (Snow on the heather) Heidesommer Heidi Heinrich Munch Helen Traubel Helmut Schmidt Henri Martin Henry Hudson Henry Kelsy henry Nevard Heritage Hermosa Hertfordshire Hiawatha Hidalgo High Hopes Highdownensis Hilda Murrel Himmelsauge Hippolyte Holy Toledo Homere Honeyflow Honor Honarable Lady Lindsay Honore de Blazc Honorine de Barbant Hot Chocolate Hot Tamale Hugh Dickson Hula Girl Hume's Blush Tea-scented China Hunter Hurdy Gurdy The book of roses The book contained a little chapter on history of roses, to how to garden them. More importantly pictures of these wonderful flowers from all around the world. Obviously one of the most colorful books I have ever seen. It made me ask few more questions. If subject of "Roses" is big enough for someone to write a Book about, (mind you this was just a catalog of roses) how big subject is "flowers". If "Flowers" is just a big subject then How about "Trees" "Rocks" "Gravity" "Water" "Earth". I am sure I cannot finish learning about just "Water" in my whole life. There will be more things to learn and I would start to forget the previous things I have learned about water. More roses How about the subject of "Earth" which includes all these subjects. How about "solar system" or the "milky way" which might include uncountable number of rose species which we can never write a book about as it is beyond our power of documentation. Yet I can still live a reasonable life, without knowing all these facts, as still in my mind roses are just beautiful flowers with, red, pink, yellow and white, which I have to be careful when touching due to thorns. If life is a book, with all the information, we just have read the covers of each book. So, how foolish for someone to call themselves expert in something. The "Queen of flowers" had just made me so humble individual. What about you? What you have been reading lately?

First part of this article is just an AI generated list. Just to show how the self-help evolute over the years. However, in the second part I will write my opinion on these in old school way. Directly out of my mind onto the paper. After all any AI generated content is not to be accepted until we give our own verdict upon it. So, you may comment your verdict after reading. Willpower & Moral Character (Early 20th C.) Success was seen as a result of discipline, virtue, and personal morality. Think : “Build character, control yourself.” Positive Thinking & Mental Attitude (1930s–50s) The mind became central—beliefs and optimism were thought to directly shape reality (e.g., The Power of Positive Thinking ). Goal-Setting & Productivity (1950s–70s) Life improvement shifted toward planning, efficiency, habits, and measurable goals. Success became a system. Human Potential & Self-Actualization (1960s–80s) Influenced by psychology (Maslow, Rogers), focus moved to meaning, creativity, and becoming one’s “true self.” Wealth, Influence & Performance (1980s–90s) Self-help merged with business culture—confidence, persuasion, leadership, and financial success dominated. Emotional Intelligence & Relationships (1990s–2000s) Managing emotions, empathy, and communication became key life skills, not just IQ or ambition. Mindfulness, Wellness & Mental Health (2000s–2010s) Stress, burnout, and inner peace took center stage—drawing from neuroscience, therapy, and Eastern practices. Identity, Systems & Self-Compassion (2010s–Present) Change is framed around identity, habits, environment, and kindness to oneself—not constant hustle or “fixing.” I agree, reading through the above list would not create a practical value to your life. And it seems too complicated list. But I can say that initially people were more focused on controlling their will power, and in the latter parts, more about identifying that it is not possible to fully control our emotions, instead, accepting ourselves as we will ease the burden of over worrying about things which are uncontrollable. In can summaries this whole 8 paradigm shifts into one step. It is not always black and white. Look at the following diagram which explains my intuition. Evolution of self-help summary diagram. In the beginning of the century People were more focused on self-control. Which inherently agrees to the fact that we have a free will. But on the latter part, the deterministic views have become more popular that self-awareness and acceptance have become more popular. On the other hand, we can see, that this idea of self-acceptance was never zero at any point in time. If you go back in time in various eras, you will find philosophical quotes by different intellectuals came into these realizations. However, I would say that was not the popular view about the self, during early years of the last century. "Most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely" - Carl Jung. Another, way to look at it is to see the chronological order of how things happen in an individual's life. First when kids start to learn, we plant a seed of self-control in their brains, so they do not back up when challenges are faces. We encourage them to take challenges, win or lose them. And teach how better tactics, better self-control will ultimately lead to success. It really does work for some time. Then the inevitable randomness of life, makes us meet with impossible challenges. Old age, disease, death are common challenges to any life. Sometimes, even unfair social disadvantages, where no matter how hard some try would not be able to overcome. Now, at this, the self-control is not going to work. Evolution of self help in an individual -> self control - > self acceptance. No matter how much we try we will not be able to "Cure cancer from meditation" or win an Olympic medal in high jump when you're born 4.5 feet tall. It is really impossible to fly into the sky on the edge without wings. In these places, we have to use the latter strategy which is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance that you are a better idiot than I am in writing, and I am better fool at things that you are good at. This happens naturally when people get old. Old grudges go away and everyone heads for the church, when they get old, including criminals and schoolmasters. Then the question of why not use it in the first place. Evolution of self help What if life is about failures, not wins. What if we chose to be failures in life, instead of chasing success. Will minimalism and mindfulness will bring bigger happiness than a pile of money? I would say that is a real possibility and achievable, as longer you observe mind, you realize that the reality is just a narrative of our own minds. So, now I have stopped hoping for a tomorrow without any problems. Life is inherently with its problems. If I chose living as an answer, I have to accept means as obvious problems of it, including death or cessation of this. So, what have been your approach to self-help lately?

Background: Yesterday, I attended a carrom tournament organized by our co-worker's union. It was a friendly night, with lot of them playing the game against each other. There were no high stakes, while the players were at it, I was just being a spectator. I watched my friends playing. I wouldn't say the pair were better than the opposition, yet they gave a good fight. Three matches were played and they lost two of them, the final one was the most exciting as each of the team had many chances to win. They struggled with one piece from each black and white, on the board, as they could not sink the queen and their final peace for a win. By the time they came to five minutes from the finishing strike, all the other matches were finished on other tables (there were four of them) and everyone gathered around their table cheering either one or the other group. Can we not take sides when playing a game? maybe impossible, as that brings the thrill to the life. Thrill of a challenge. However, my friends could not come out as winners. And we had a good post-mortem discussion on what went wrong and what went right. Obviously, not each of them were at same skill level and each one felt that they themselves were responsible for the loss. Playing carrom "I think you would have a better chance if you paired up with someone better than me". That was the ultimate conclusion. I myself thought about this statement and found that there were plenty of things which made the statement false. Maybe the loss was just deterministic, rooted by the reasons that started from the time of the big bang. That is as far as what we can reason out from the modern scientific observation of the cosmoses. I agree that need more explanation, after all I did say that to my friend and he did not understand what I meant. So, here is answer to the problem and the unnecessity of the reasons of the self-doubt that created illogically in his mind. There is no alternate universe while we were playing carrom. I was there when they played carrom. I was just watching; they were just playing. That happened clear as day during the middle of the night. They tried their best shots, best nerves, and best strategies, but they lost. They partnered up with each other in the hope of winning and they tried and lost. There was no shame on it. That was exactly what happened. The mind cannot agree to this simple truth of losing, failing, or breaking. So, it stupidly creates alternate universe about something which did not happen. It creates scenarios, about "Alternate universes" where doing this or that which I could have done make "That" game won. This creation of alternate universes just does not improve. It just creates a self-doubt which is totally unnecessary. While watching, I did not see any other alternate universe that things do go in a different direction. It doesn't mean we should not get the experience to do it better next time. It doesn't mean, you cannot win next tournament by partnering up with someone better. I just mean for "That" night for that specific game, there is no alternate scenario. guilt How to overcome guilt of the past- It is what it is. As you can see, this is not just about carrom. Any game you have lost in your life will come back as haunts to you if you do not identify these alternate universes mind creates. If you want to move, forward take those lessons and apply to the next game. That game is lost. It is what it is. The situations cannot be changed when they are in the past. "It is what it is" was said by Rusell Buffalino to Frank Sheeran, in the Robert de Niro movie Irishman. When Frank had to kill his beloved friend and Boss Jimmy Hoffa. "It is what it is" is what I would say to my friend who likes to do postmortems on a lost carrom game which was played for fun. "It is what it is", that we should repeat like a mantra when the stupid mind brings out alternate universes to the inaccessible past scenarios. Life will drag on, and just like a lobster shedding its old used exoskeleton , we should shed our past and move on facing the vulnerability of shame and guilt, sometimes. You have nothing fancy to do, to overcome guilt. It is what it is, simply accept it as a fact.